Impyre Braces as Markets Crash

Photo by Maxim Hopman on Unsplash

The cringe economy is in crisis today after the largest wealth transfer in history happened late last week. Many store shelves are empty as retailers are reluctant to re-stock, unsure if their customers will be able to purchase anything soon. Grocery stores are especially hard hit as panic hoarding has taken root. As reported earlier by ONN; white bread and peanut butter are especially scarce.

The sudden dip in consumer confidence has sent ripples through the entire economy, and only cum barrel production seems uninterrupted, but our sources say that won’t last. ONN interviewed a cringineer on the condition of anonymity.

“Pretty soon you won’t have anyone to work the shafts,” our source said. “There’s plenty of product to go around but no one is going to extract it without pay. People have stopped showing up for work. I figure any day now the prices will start to go up as the barrels go dry.”

Very worrying news indeed. Market analysts do not expect a quick recovery and lay the blame squarely on a hedge fund group that over-leveraged their market position known only as :07. They also say it is unlikely that we will see any cringe coin injections to cover the temporary constraint in supply and that new coins will only enter the economy at their standard rates.

ONN will monitor the situation and provide updates as they happen.