No Nut Disaster Grips Impyre

Friday - November 3rd 2023

The Cringe Impyre economy fell to record lows Wednesday as investors pulled out fearing a large production cut in the Impyre’s largest export. Coupled with a decrease in demand from importers, the Impyre hoped to ride out the annual month-long event, called No Nut November.

No Nut November is blamed for a sharp decrease in Cum Barrel production, which the Impyre exports year-round. Reserve barrel stocks are however low due to an experimental prostate examination requirement implemented last May that caused an unexpected dip in peak season production.

Reserve stockpiles are generally used to take advantage of the increased demands that occur after No Nut November ends. Not having these on hand will cripple their post-no-nut earnings. It may be a dry Christmas for demonites this year.