Author's Note: The following is adapted from an early draft of the opening coffee shop scene with Stacy. At the time, I had written the first few paragraphs before deciding to rewrite it entirely since the version of Lucy present in it didn't feel in line with the direction I wanted for her character. However, since I still found this version of Lucy funny, I decided to take what I had and expand it into a little bit of a non-canon bonus chapter. Enjoy this short story: "Lucy Has a Normal Conversation"!

"So what are you doing after work, Lucy?" my coworker Stacy asked innocently. I looked up from the trash where I was dumping stale pastries to see her beaming a smile from across the coffee shop counter. The poor girl, she's ignorant to the fact that after today's stressful workload, I had decided I wanted nothing more than to go home, cuddle up under a blankie, and enjoy my 5th consecutive night alone with Ms. Kuroinu Episode 3. Naturally I can't let her know this, but I mustn't hesitate in my response, else I run the risk of being suspicious. Best to just say something bland that requires no follow up.

I give her a shrug and respond, "i don't know, i'll probably just watch netflix i guess."

"Oh that's cool. Watching anything good?" she probed. Shit! A foolish error on my part. I should have known a normie like Stacy would courteously show an interest in my hobbies like a functioning member of society. I need to choose my next words carefully if I want to escape this small talk entrapment. I have to kill this conversation, and fast.

"nope, i haven't decided what to watch yet."

"Ah, ok," she replies flatly. Excellent, she has nothing more to say! My boring dead end answer showed the topic had dried up and that I'm not worth talking to. Stacy, you were just played like a fiddle! Now we both can just go on with our days and Little Ol' Lucy here can get some alone time with Ms. Kuroinu Episo- "Oh! I was just watching this great documentary the other day that I know you'll love!"

FUCK YOU, STACY.

BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! How could I be so careless?! I left myself wide open for her attack! Fuck! Now I'm stuck in her web like a helpless fly. I can't tell her I don't care about her stupid fucking documentary because then I'll come across as a major bitch. But if I ask her what the documentary is, there'll be an expectation for me to have watched it by the time we see each other again and FUCK THAT. There's no winning move, I need a way out! A distraction, anything!

Out of the corner of my eye I spot the tray of cinnamon coffee cakes that I've yet to dispose of. Perfect! I intentionally throw myself off balance in the direction of the tray and let out the most convincing yell I can muster, "WOOOooaAaaAHH. I'M FALLING. OH SHI-'' I plummet towards the ground, catching the tray with my left hand and sending the cakes flying everywhere. Instinctually, I extend my right hand in front of me to break my fall and then brace for impact. My hand is the first to make contact with the floor, bearing the full weight of my body. Pain immediately shoots through my wrist and then the rest of my body crumples onto the floor. ...Ouchies.

From the floor I can hear footsteps running towards me and Stacy calling out, "Oh my god! Lucy, are you ok!"

I try to lift myself up but as I put weight on my right hand a sharp pain tells me 'no'. I see an outstretched hand in front of me and hear Stacy say, "Here, let me help you up." Hesitantly, I grab her hand and she pulls me to my feet. She dusts the coffee cake remnants off me then asks, "Are you ok, did you hurt anything?"

In a quiet, pained voice I whimper, "i think i hurt my wrist..."

"Let me take a look." I hold my wrist out and she gently examines it, occasionally applying controlled pressure and taking note of if I wince in pain. Is it sad that this is the most female attention I've had in weeks? Stacy gives me my wrist back and tells me, "It looks like a pretty minor sprain, so you'll be fine in a few days if you take it easy. I'll clean up here; you go home and get some rest!"

"b-but stacy, i'm the one who made the mess. i-"

"No 'buts'! You're hurt. You just leave the cleaning to me!" Stacy gives a little flex and pump of her arm.

"well... if you say so..."

"Keep yourself safe, and have a good weekend, Lucy!"

"y-yeah. see you later..."

I leave the shop, and begin my walk home. Once I'm a safe distance away, a sly grin curls up my face. "heh. just according to keikaku." I look around to make sure no one is watching before letting out a maniacal cackle, "AHAHAHAHA! MS. KUROINU EPISODE 3 HERE I COM-"

I'm interrupted by a sharp throbbing pain in my right wrist. Fuck, how am I supposed to fap like this?! I turn my gaze over to my left hand. Giving my hand a deviant smirk, I make my advance, "well I suppose god gave us two hands for a reason, huh lefty? heheheh!" *wink*

"..."

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN 'NO'???"