Punished Prison Pyre
Good Evening Demonites,
It is my pleasure to bring you this ONN exclusive. ONN has gained access to sources inside of twitch prison and was able to conduct interviews about our recently released Impress. Lucy Pyre spend 3 days in the twitch detention facility after a public display of lewd and lascivious behavior was brought to the attention of authorities. Lucy has a storied history of sexual harassment allegations levied by numerous demonite victims and bystanders. This latest report was apparently the last straw, ending what many assumed was an immunity to the law.
As it turned out, not even our Impress was completely above the law, though it should be noted that 3 days is a pretty light sentence for a string of remorseless sexual harassment. ONN was able to get microphones into the facility during her stay, and we’re presenting the content of those interviews here. Names have been redacted to protect their identities.
Prisoner 1: “You ever get picked last for the kickball team? Well, that’s what it was like with Lucy. Prison gangs generally fight over someone with her status you know? It’s like, she’s the fucking Impress. That’s when we found out she couldn’t smuggle in a single cigarette. Not one! I’m no septic tank but I can manage a pack. The weakest gang in the prison ended up taking her, under protest. They used it as a favor to my gang actually, don’t know what they’re going to ask for in return but we’re happy to pay up for taking her off everyone’s hands.”
Prisoner 2: “Oh my god. Lucy? They had to stop giving her soap. She kept dropping it over and over and over again in the shower. You’d hear the plap sound and then she’d scream out ‘oh no I dropped the soap! I sure hope nothing happens to me when I pick it up!’ She’d do that like 10 times over the course of a shower. So naturally her soap didn’t last too long. After she wasted what must of been 20 bars they just stopped giving her soap all together. And no, no one took her up on that offer, what is this the movies?“
Prisoner 3: “She just would not shut up about the clout. 3 days in prison and she’d have her prison stories for someone she calls ‘chatty’. I have no idea what she’s talking about, I’m in here for 20 more years for stealing a cum barrel. Must be nice.“
ONN reached out to Impress Pyre for comment but all we could get out of her was “Snitches get Stitches”
This is your ONN anchor Matt, signing off.
